The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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