Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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