butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
