Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
