I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
