did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if only i could text you this smell
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
