Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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