So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
