Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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