That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
