I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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