You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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