If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
