i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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