I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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