I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
