I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
