I will die if light touches me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
