So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
