I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Come on in and take your pants off
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