Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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