A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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