a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
