I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
