In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
