doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
