a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
