$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
