The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
