so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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