I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
