right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh god it's open bar.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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