he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
