i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
