Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
