Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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