What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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