i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
