You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
