I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
