you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
wow bdsm is so cute
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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