I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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