So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The struggles of a small town man whore
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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