You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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