I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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