I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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