the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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