At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
