Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You pole danced in your parka.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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