I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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