Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I party with great urgency now.
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