Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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