The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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