Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
