oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
