Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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