does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
