matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize