Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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